Open to Communication

Communication is one of the first things we learn. Even when we couldn’t talk, we were finding ways to receive our needs, like when we were hungry or needed anything we would cry. It is something that just come naturally to us all, we all have a need to communicate.

But then why in the world is it so complicated now that we are older?

I think there are many factors that can play into why communication can be difficult for some individuals but there are a few that I wanted to highlight on. Something that I don’t think gets mentioned a whole lot is that vulnerability is kind of crucial to meaningful communication.

We can say a lot of things we can talk at people all we want with no real deep meaning. But is that what you really want? I know its not what I want. I value meaningful relationships but somethings getting there seems impossible. Vulnerable means capable of being physically or emotionally wounded. I don’t know about anyone else but that is a terrible thought. Why would I want to put myself in a position where I could be wounded?

I was talking with Spencer, my husband, about this very thought. I told him that I want to be able to vulnerable with him. Because I trust him, and I want to grow closer together. I think that being vulnerable doesn’t mean you are trying to push the limits before you get hurt. But I think its opens the door for when you do get hurt you allow the other person to help heal and build you up.

I mean isn’t that really why we seek relationships? Because we want to feel valued, and heard, and I don’t know you want to feel a part of a team?

But the tricky part is… communication is only 14% made up from our words. 14 percent! That’s not a lot. In fact communication is 14% our words, 35% our tone, and 51% our nonverbal cues. Which seems really obvious because in the right tone and the right facial expressions the same phrase can come across either sincerely genuine or passively aggressive and rude.

So what messages are we giving the people in our lives who mean the most to us? Because I’m not perfect and I know I have said some hurtful things by my tone and body language. But I think the good news is we can change.

We don’t have to be stuck in a rut of empty words and passive aggressive looks. We can learn and practice… we can improve.

And the key component of change is inviting the Lord to help you. Because Jesus Christ is the perfect example of kindness. But He also communicated when others were acting inappropriately. And this has taught me how important it is to have the Spirit present in your communications. Especially when it comes to conflict resolution, and also decision making.

Isn’t that a wonderful thought that a member of the Godhead can be with you always and can guide your words and actions to help deepen your relationships. I just love that. Because the Lord wants us to succeed, He wants us to strengthen our relationships because it can be one of our greatest sources of joy.

Elder L. Lionel Kendrick once said, ““Christlike communications are expressions of affection and not anger, truth and not fabrication, compassion and not contention, respect and not ridicule, counsel and not criticism, correction and not condemnation. They are spoken with clarity and not with confusion. They may be tender or they may be tough, but they must always be tempered.” And to me when we practice those principles we can have communication with others become more meaningful and just full of so much love and so much joy.