Marriage is Hard

I’ve been married for almost six months now, and I have been looking forward to this week’s lesson since the beginning of the semester. This week was all about transitions in marriage.

The advice that I received over and over before I got married was the fact that marriage is hard. Hard but so fulfilling and rewarding, kind of like the same advice I got before serving a mission. But I feel like this advice can instill a lot of fear. And if I’m being honest this fear has stayed in the back of my mind.

But the fact that marriage is hard is justified, especially the first year. Because you have two individuals transitioning to trying to become one unit. Two people who came from different backgrounds, experiences, and possibly even standards. It is a huge adjustment. But also you got married for a reason didn’t you? You got married because you love this person and you want to grow your love and become one. You want to become a team, and create a family together so why is it so hard?

Well first I wanted to share the beginning of the Family a Proclamation to the World, ” that marriage between a man and a woman is ordained of God and that the family is central to the Creator’s plan for the eternal destiny of His children.” The Proclamation continues to later say, “HUSBAND AND WIFE have a solemn responsibility to love and care for each other and for their children.”

A solemn responsibility.

This phrase, along with the covenant I made in the Lord’s temple was in the back of my mind during my classroom discussion on the transitions in marriage that can cause the couple to drift.

We talked about many different things, the first one being the issues that can arrive in the beginning with the wedding. For example, we talked about what happens when a parent pays for the event. On the surface it can seem like a harmless thing. However, this can cause some issues like, the reinforcement of parent and child roles rather than creating a husband and wife role. The parent may feel a sense of entitlement toward the child, that they “owe them.” I have always seen that planning a wedding can create a pattern for how the couple will plan and communicate with each other. Because this is the first really big thing that they have to do together.

Another issue that can come up is the couple is putting more emphasis on the celebration and the party. Is the couple more concerned with the appearance rather than the commitment?

Another major thing that we talked about was when the couple begins to have children. Because the responsibility goes up for both the husband and the wife. Distance between the couple can begin to grow.

So how do we even stop that from happening? Something we discussed that I loved was continue in courtship. And this was advice I was given at my reception was “keep dating.” The whole point is to find moments to keep each other involved as much as possible, especially when it comes to the birth of children. But also you should always be striving to build your relationship.

There is this theory of entropy that I wanted to bring up. It is basically the idea if you don’t use it you lose it. If you aren’t progressing than you are digressing. Which can be a scary thought. But this falls into the idea that you should continue in courtship, keep dating, keep developing your love. Husbands and wives have the solemn responsibility to love and care for each other.

All of the scary thoughts about marriage being hard can be eased by the promise that it will be hard but worth it.

But

You have to work at it. You have to adjust and learn and grow… but together… and on the basis of love.